Autumn 2013

Here it is Autumn of 2013.  I just turned 66 a few days ago.  As I look back on my geocaching logs and this blog I'm struck by the changes in my writing ability.  I know I use simpler words now, and less complex sentences.  I see in emails to my friends that I tend to use the same words in birthday greetings, and when replying to their posts.

  One thing I know it that my brain IS functioning better than it had been on some levels a few years ago. I attribute that to the changed I made after working with a functional medicine doctor on my gut health and inflammation.   One of the issues I'd brought up with my nurse practitioner when asked about my memory was that when my dh, who has been refusing to write on the wall calendar when he leaves for workshops and meetings, when he asked me, "You remember I'm leaving for a weekend - somewhere" I said, "No, I don't."  So he proceeded to try to prod my memory, yet I had no recollection of his ever mentioning it. That happened twice that year. Is has not happened recently and that sort of recall is working fine.  Yet, I just got turned down for long term care insurance since I'd reported memory issues to my Nurse Practitioner on my past two yearly check ups.  That was the sole reason given for being turned down. Funny that I'd done fine on the tests given to me at home by an examiner they sent. She also exclaimed that I had the lowest blood pressure she'd seen of all the folks she'd had to test. That's probably what scared the insurers.  She's too darn healthy.  She'd be in care for years!

Also, just two months ago I made a "new driver" mistake with a BAD result.  The day before dh and I were to leave for a former neighbor's wedding in Minnesota I decided that among other things, and since the dog had ripped the lining out of one pair, I needed a new pair of shoes that would stay snugly on my feet. (A long time ago our family was flying and had to run to the gate for our connecting flight. They were all athletic, playing a lot of soccer. I had become overweight. Fortunately, they arrived in time and then I did, and we were able to board. I resolved that day that I needed to get fit enough to run through airports. Really. That was my goal. And I needed good footwear to do so.)

 So as I was waiting to exit the parking area of the shoe store I'd decided I'd wait to see if the road would clear on both South and Northbound lanes to cross and go north, or I'd turn right and turn around in the the KMart plaza sign the traffic light to exit. But no, a woman saved me in in front of her.  I could see no traffic approaching in the lane next to her, so I did proceed forward in front of her car,, waited, and still saw no cars approaching - but my vision was limited by traffic in the lanes.  I decided to start to creep into the next lane turning slightly north, when BOOOOOM!!!! I hit a car.  The car I hit had enough forward momentum to continue for several feet before stopping.  I looked around, and decided to back my car out of the driving lanes back into the parking lot. I saw that the other car had crumpled panels both in front of the right front wheel and the right front door.  I was still too stunned to react quickly other than getting my car out of the way (which the police officer later confirmed was a good decision.) Meanwhile someone with a car full of folks pulled into the parking lot and the driver ran out to the car to check on them. She is a nurse. They were shook up, but fine. As was I. I'm sure all of us were going to end up with some aches and pains for a few days,  I needed up with left hip pain, and a bit of neck stiffness all mostly resolved.

I've hit two dogs, and killed one. Both over 40 years ago when I was in my 20s. It was a St. Bernard who was crossing a busy road right after we'd gone back on Standard Time and at the end of the work day it was now dusk and headlights were on. The dog stopped right in front of me in the lane, and turned his head caught in the headlights. I tried to veer right to miss him, but didn't have enough room.  It was horrible.  He died instantly. The other ran out in front of me on the back road I had to use to get anywhere from my street, at night, in the rain, with a street full of wet leaves.  My car slid on the leaves and I couldn't stop in time. The people in the house whose driveway ended right where the dog had been had no idea who he belonged to.  The dog ran off and we couldn't find him. I'd just finished fixing my car from the other dog accident.

I'd never hit a car before.  Two have hit me: fender bender rear-enders. So I finally got out of my car, shouted over to the other folks that they could come wait for the police in mine. A got a dirty look from the passengers, and the other driver took me up on the offer,  turns out she had her husband and just moved to W River Jct. VT, 5 weeks before after selling their two-story house in Jaffrey, NH.  They'd had to move because, sigh, GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT her dh has a dementia (not Alzheimer's) and could no longer negotiate stairs, AND on top of that had to have dialysis three times a week. And I'd just wrecked their only car.

Not only that, the passengers were married, new neighbors the driver had never met who had just finished helping her get her husband up on his feet after he'd fallen outside their new condo.  She was returning the favor by driving them over to a 99 Restaurant to pick up the guy's paycheck.  She told me that she and her dh had moved to be closer to a granddaughter (who must have been at work?) and she fretted that she'd not locked the door since she thought she'd only be gone for less than a half hour, not away for two hours!! She was worried that he'd go out on his own and wander off. MORE GUILT. She had my name and phone number on the Police report and I told her to call me and I'd drive them to the dialysis appointments.  But never hearing from her, I assume they got a rental like I did.

As I thought over the circumstances I had no doubt I was to blame, but at the same time I realized by where her car ended up that she was new to the area, not familiar with the street markings, and most likely was being talked to and guided to be looking ahead to start to aim toward the left turn lane into the shopping area. Distracted and focusing. I think that if it weren't for that she would have seen my car starting to stick out and been able to stop.  She was also driving fairly fast someone that should be slowing down for a turn. I hope that her car, which was only a few years old, only needed that front panel and door replaced.  And the axle ? whatever was needed since the wheel was askew.  And hoped it wasn't totaled.

On the one hand I know that I've declined mentally. I took the opportunity to sell my 10 year old Toyta Camry after it was fixed and all detailed and looking pretty. I find myself constantly reminding myself while driving my new red Nissan Altima not to go too fast, to be constantly checking mirrors,  to stay aware and not distracted while behind the wheel.

On the other, life is good. My dh and I have renewed a closer relationship and are doing well together.  One of the best things in my life is our dog, Gemma. I picked her out of a litter when she was only a few weeks old.  She crawled up onto my lap and fell asleep on our first or second visit.  She is very attached to my friend Karen, and her daughter Sylvia both of whom were with me on that First Visit, and see her often. She went nuts, crying and barking, two weeks ago when I pulled into their driveway and went into their house without her. ;-) I take her some place on a good long walk almost everyday. I'm so glad there are so many trails in our area.  Joy is to have her bounding around me, loving being out in nature as much as I do. And being so smart that she learns things without my teaching her. If I'm lucky she'll still be with us for 14 more years.

My kids are thriving, and yes, no grandkids, but I can still wish.  I was "retired" late January of 2012 when they eliminated my position at the small community hospital where I'd worked for 16 years. I quickly found out that although it was a vocation, one that I go quite a lot of pleasure from, I didn't miss it.  That surprised me.  I have some close friends, and La Leche League still remains a part of my life. I've still got 4 years left of my IBLCE certification.  I've even started cleaning out some closets, painting some walls.  If I run out of things to do, I can do some volunteering.